Normal personalities are somewhat two-sided
National Level 2 Psychological Counselor Ding Siyuan
If you ask: What kind of personality is a good and healthy one? Many people's answers may be enthusiastic, committed, friendly, generous and tolerant, etc. On the contrary, if a person is suspicious, irritable, indifferent, self-righteous, etc., he has a bad personality. Therefore, most people seem to want to be kind and friendly all the time, without any "bad comments."
But in fact, a truly healthy personality is both good and evil, and has both sides. Sometimes it will be positive and kind, satisfying the public, but sometimes it will look negative and gloomy. So flattering. This is because we naturally show different sides to different people in different situations. With good friends, we will be eager to help and give without reservation, but with opponents and enemies, we may be much more indifferent and stingy. Therefore, our friends say that we are "nice and easy to get along with", but our opponents think that we are "unlikeable". A person can show different attitudes, which may appear to be contradictory personalities, but are actually a unified whole, all serving the purpose of adapting to the current environment and balancing the needs of oneself and others. And some people only allow themselves to show their lovable light side and cover up their dark side, which is not healthy. It means they are suppressing other parts of their personality.
People who always show likable qualities without revealing a little temper are often depressed and aggrieved. They do not allow themselves to fail to meet the needs of others and often neglect themselves for this purpose. For example, some people may often contribute to others, help friends solve problems, handle work for colleagues, and share stress with their parents. They do enjoy helping others, but they are not willing to do so at any time or for anyone. Even though they may be exhausted and have no time to take care of themselves, they will still ask themselves to continue suppressing themselves to satisfy others.
People who are evaluated as "kind" by everyone actually sacrifice the output of normal negative emotions and the self-expression of dissatisfaction and disagreement. Such people often have a core belief: If I'm not good enough and don't do anything for others, I have no value and don't deserve to be loved. Out of this fear of not being loved and abandoned, they will not let themselves do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, offend others, etc., and must be generous and decent at all times. In the end, they win the love of others, but lose the awareness of their own emotional problems. care. If you hold it in for too long, you will definitely explode one day. People who are always kind-hearted will easily do things that hurt themselves or others impulsively if they endure it for too long, or their bodies will show symptoms of anxiety and pain.
Just like a complete world where sunshine and shadow coexist, sometimes there is more sunshine and sometimes there is more shadow. A healthy personality also has two sides, with optimism and pessimism; you can trust others with confidence and meet their needs, but you can also allow yourself to fail to meet other people's expectations and disappoint others. Therefore, people who are kind to others can consider themselves in a timely manner so as not to be taken advantage of by others; confident people can be a little narcissistic to achieve self-recognition; generous people do not have to be generous all the time, sometimes being selfish can protect their own boundaries. ;optimistic personIt's normal to be sensitive sometimes, and this can help you avoid the losses caused by blind trust. Allowing yourself to be "less than perfect" to a certain extent is more beneficial to your mental and personality health.