How to say no without hurting someone
National Level 2 Psychological Counselor Guo Rui
It is not easy to reject others because we are always afraid of hurting others’ feelings. However, our time and energy are limited, and we do need to reject other people's arrangements when necessary. To effectively refuse without making the relationship awkward, you can try the following methods.
1. Fast and accurate. If someone else makes a request that you find unacceptable at the moment, it’s best to tell the other person “no” right away. And be specific about the situation, such as clearly saying "I can't attend the party on Sunday" rather than "I may have to decline your invitation." Rejecting quickly and accurately may seem indifferent, but in fact it does not delay the other party's time, and the other party will not be unable to make next arrangements because of ambiguous fantasies, which can reduce other people's waste of time and emotions.
2. Use positive language. Being rejected is always a bit embarrassing. To make others stand down, it is best to "wrap" the core of rejection with positive words. For example, you can say "Thank you for your invitation. I really want to participate. This is a particularly rare opportunity, but..." makes people feel that the entire communication is bright and peaceful, which can reduce the disappointment of being rejected.
3. Provide choices. If this is a relationship that requires long-term development, if necessary, you should give other feasible options after rejection, so as not to make others feel hot and cold. For example, "I can't attend the party this time, but can I ask you alone next week?" Many people will use the "next time" technique. The only way to avoid hurting others is to actually fulfill the promise, otherwise it will be "cheating", which is even more disappointing.
4. No need to apologize. Saying "I'm sorry" when rejecting someone is something we often do, but it's not a good idea. Saying "I'm sorry" means "I was wrong." On the one hand, rejecting others does not involve right or wrong. On the other hand, the person who hears the apology will subconsciously feel that the other person owes something and feels that he or she has been hurt. . So, try not to say no with an apology.