Happiness has a 3:1 rule
Everyone is pursuing happiness and hopes that life will be happy, but there will always be times when things go wrong. If you want to find happiness when you are depressed, it is recommended to remember the "3:1 rule".
This is a proposition jointly proposed by Marcial Losada, an organizational psychologist at the University of Brasilia in Brazil, and Barbara Fredrickson, a psychologist at the University of Michigan in the United States in 2005: A person's positive emotions should be composed of positive emotions and negative emotions, and the ratio is roughly 3:1. That is, when there are twice as many positive emotions as negative emotions, people are the most positive; if this ratio is too low, people will be negative and find it difficult to be happy. Their research also found that this ratio holds true in team development. No matter how big the team is, when the ratio of positive events to negative time is about 3, the team will be more prosperous. If the ratio is too large or too small, it will lose vitality, and this is true in marriage and life.
In daily life, although we cannot use this ratio accurately, we can get a useful reminder that negative emotions or events are an integral part of life. We cannot completely escape bad things, but even if there are Even if negative things exist, we can still be happy and happy. Just take the initiative to do positive things to counter negative events, that is, offset negative emotions with more positive emotions.
To this end, the American "Active Life" website has summarized 6 specific ways to use the 3:1 rule to enhance happiness.
1. Start with small things. "Positive events" sound like extremely happy things or great good deeds, but in fact they don't have to be so "high-end". They can just start with small things around you. Such as smiling at the people around you, complimenting others, playing your favorite music, watching your favorite TV show, playing games for half an hour, cooking yourself a delicious meal, wearing your favorite clothes, and buying a small desirable gift. and hugging loved ones, etc. All positive words and deeds that express goodwill and come from the heart will bring positive effects. When you are filled with worries, you need to do something positive.
2. Accept negativity as a part of life. "Negativity" exists objectively, we can only reduce its impact, and "acceptance" is one of the most effective ways. Not everything that happens in life can be positive, this expectation is unreasonable, and we need to learn to cope with and adapt to negative emotions. Accepting the fact that life has ups and downs can give you enough motivation to face them with a positive attitude. Moreover, accepting the reality that "bad things cannot be avoided" can also help you prepare yourself mentally, develop a positive coping mechanism, and be able to resolve future stress in a good and mature way.
3. Change prejudice. Human beings are naturally more concerned about negativity and negative events, comments, etc., because this will threaten their own survival and confidence. However, for people who live in a safe environment, they always dwell on negative events, only see the pessimistic side, or take problems seriously, which can easily lead to a cynical way of thinking and automatically bring negative biases towards people and things. In the long run, this mentality willIt permanently changes a person's reaction to the environment and the way he handles stress. He feels that the whole world is against him, fails to see the beauty in human nature, and makes himself unhappy.
For those who tend to think the worst, it is recommended to use some methods to change their thinking and not to be blinded by prejudice. 1. Broaden your horizons: See more people and things, understand that there are many angles to see things, and there are many positive ways to deal with emotions. There is no need to just blame yourself. 2. Divert your attention: If you always focus on the shortcomings, you will magnify the bad side. Don't always focus on the bad parts. Shift your attention to the good aspects and put more energy into them. 3. Don’t be controlled by isolated events: A single, local bad thing does not mean that the whole is bad. Learn to look at people and things objectively and comprehensively, or take a longer-term view and believe that things will change positively.
4. Take some risks. Few people realize that taking on challenges and taking risks can actually contribute significantly to feelings of joy. When you first accept a challenge, there will be a lot of pressure, but the harder you work and the more often you do it, the more small successes you get, and the more likely you are to find that stepping out of your comfort zone will bring a lot of freshness and surprises.
5. Create a positive side. There are some situations where you really can't find the positive side, so you need to create it yourself. When you focus your energy on making things better and controlling the bad, stress disappears and your self-confidence rises. This is "thinking more is worse than doing more". People who take action to solve problems can always regain a positive attitude faster.
6. Positive self-talk. When you are unable to create concrete, positive events, turn to the most important and powerful person in your life—yourself. Telling yourself positive things can help you step out of a difficult situation. Research shows that the most effective form of positive self-talk is referring to yourself in the third person.
For example, you may say "I can't do it, I don't know what to do, I'm too nervous", and when you talk about yourself in the third person, such as "He looks a little sad , what’s the reason?” To be able to separate negativity from yourself, you can comfort yourself by seeing yourself as a friend you want to be kind to.