Similar personalities VS complementary personalities, new research tells you which combination of pa

Global Times Health Client Reporter Shi Jie

When choosing a partner, people often have this question: should they find someone with a similar personality to their own, or should they find someone with a completely different personality from their own? person? Previous research has believed that similarity is the key to maintaining a relationship between husband and wife. In particular, couples who have similar preferences in perceptual dimensions are better able to understand each other and maintain a long-term and harmonious relationship. But everyone is "born different", and differences are often the norm in couples' relationships. Even psychologist Jung said that "many men end up marrying women who are opposite to their own personality types." There is also a saying circulating on the Internet: Between husband and wife, there is always one strong and the other easy-going; one diligent and the other lazy; one cares and the other generous. Recently, a study from the University of Michigan in the United States has come to a new conclusion: couples with opposite personalities can also treat each other with respect and play in harmony.

This study observed 1,300 pairs Couples ranging in age from 19 to 89 have lived together for an average of 30 years. The study focused on how the Big Five personality traits influence couple relationship satisfaction. The Big Five personality traits refer to extroversion, conscientiousness, mood swings, open-mindedness and empathy. Research has found that partners who are extroverted, easy-going, serious, open, and have fewer negative emotions are generally more satisfied with their relationship, while the similarity of partners is insignificant to the durability of love and marital satisfaction.

In the past, we often thought that "opposites attract" only stayed in the initial stage of emotion. However, with the deepening of research, researchers found that people can "opposites attract" at any stage of married life. , seek common ground while reserving differences." Especially for those couples with mature marriage relationships, it is easier for them to resolve "opposition" into "motivation." For example, one person is extroverted and loves to explore, and the other is introverted and more family-oriented. Not only can they each use their strengths, but they can also complement each other and build a perfect family together.

"Instead of saying 'opposites attract', it is better to say 'complementarity attracts', that is, the complementarity and tolerance of both men and women in terms of personality is more conducive to the lasting relationship between husband and wife." Signed by the Mental Health Application Center of the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences Psychological counselor Zheng Li said: "Whether it is Taoism and Confucianism thousands of years ago, or contemporary evolutionary psychology and personality psychology, all can 'endorse' the results of this study." According to Taoist thought, men are Yang, women are yin, and marriage is the process of the harmony of yin and yang. For example, men have the courage to kill everyone, and women have the ability to be peaceful and restrained. Complementarity and balance are the most perfect state. In Confucianism, the division of household labor between men and women at home is actually a complement to the gender differences and role positioning of both parties. "Exchange of advantages and fair exchange" is the core view of evolutionary psychology. It can be seen that differencesOpposite and complementary are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. "The explanation of personality psychology is more comprehensive and detailed. We often say that choleric and phlegmatic people are a good match, because choleric people are easy to be impulsive and innovative, while phlegmatic people are calm but easy to Stick to the rules. These two types of people can easily influence and drive each other in daily interactions, achieving complementarity and win-win results," Zheng Li said.

In the long-term practice of getting along, we can also discover the benefits of complementarity to the relationship between husband and wife. 1. Make up for shortcomings. When one party has advantages that the other party does not have, it can make up for unilateral deficiencies. For example, if one is generous and the other is frugal, whether it is the quality of life internally or the way one treats others externally, the complementarity of the two parties can often lead to a better state. 2. Learn from each other's strengths and complement each other's weaknesses. Only when husband and wife have complementary personalities can they learn from each other and improve each other. For example, if one is lively and impulsive and the other is steady and thoughtful, the two can drive and influence each other to achieve a better self.

However, the above-mentioned research also pointed out that only on the basis of the consistency of the three views can the complementary relationship show a positive side. In other words, only when both parties have the same world view, common pursuits, respect each other, and are willing to meet challenges together, can they leverage their complementary advantages and jointly manage a stable and happy marriage. Zheng Li reminded: "For two parties with big differences, it is especially necessary to seek common ground while reserving differences. There is no need to insist that everything can be thought of together and that everything can be agreed upon. Understanding each other may not necessarily last forever. Only by being harmonious without differences can we share the beauty."

Editor in chief: Ding Wenjun